Dating after 35. Advice for single ladies

The dating game shifts gears when we get older. Fear and desperation may set in. We may make bad judgments because we are scared that we may never find someone else or that the biological clock may be ticking fast and we need to catch up. No decision made in fear, desperation, speculation or confusion results in happiness. Take your time and think clearly.    Dating after 35. Advice for single ladies                                                                                                                                                                                              Here are some things you may want to think about concerning your love life.

  1. Each relationship is unique and every man is different. As mature women, we may have experienced bad relationships in our past and it is easy to take all that negativity into new relationships. It may be difficult to trust someone because you were cheated on before, or something like that. You need to take some time in-between your relationships to cleanse yourself of whatever it is that caused the breakup and to find happiness alone then go into another relationship on a clean slate and with an open heart. You do have to take some lessons from it though. If you made terrible mistakes before, don’t do it again now. You have to keep your heart open and your eyes as well. You are now wiser from past experiences, use your wisdom and maintain your positivity in future relationships.
  2. The fact that you are at this age and single does not necessarily mean that there is something wrong with you. People can be mean. You may have been told that you are not beautiful, or he cheated on you with a younger woman and said you were old, you may have been told that your character or personality was unpleasant or many other things. These things can easily rob you of your confidence. It is always good to reflect on certain things about yourself and see where you can make improvements. That is something that everyone should do anyway. There may be a good chance that you did some things that pushed some men away but you need to understand that it’s not always the case. Sometimes the reason is simply that it’s not yet your time to meet the right guy. Some things happen earlier in life for some people and later for others.
  3. You don’t have to take a man that you are not happy with because you fear that you are running out of time. It is much better to be alone and fill your life with other things that make you happy than to be with a guy that just makes you miserable. You may miss out on chances to meet the right man while you focus on the wrong one. You have to love yourself enough to understand that you deserve happiness.  Stay away from abusive men, men who belong to someone else, those that want you for your money or for reasons other than love, the list is endless but you should not date out of desperation.
  4. Be comfortable with your age. Sometimes age can be such an issue that we are afraid that we are of less value than younger women on the dating scene. This makes us insecure. Insecure people are never happy and they cannot make another person happy. If a man pays you a compliment, take it and believe him. Don’t assume that he is telling you that he finds you beautiful because he is just polite. This is because you believe than you are too old to still be attractive. Insecurity makes you over-sensitive and people cannot joke around you because you think they are attacking your age, the man you are dating cannot have younger female friends because you are always worried he will go to them and leave you. It’s just a tiresome life for you or any man that might want to date you so just be happy with your age and who you are.
  5. Find a balance between not rushing and not wasting time. This advice applies to any woman really but for older women, certain things are time sensitive. If you still want children make sure you don’t date a guy who wants a 5 year relationship then 2 year engagement. Even if it’s not about children, some women  just want a man that will marry them and the 2 of you can do life together. Make sure he has the same goal in the same timeline as you. BUT be careful that you don’t rush into something that robs you of your joy, long term. Take your time to know your man before settling down.
  6. Don’t compare your love life to anyone else’s. Don’t drive yourself crazy by watching what is happening in other people’s relationships that is not happening in yours. This just robs you for your joy and clouds your decision-making when you meet men.
  7. Enjoy the wait if you are in waiting. The grass always looks greener on the other side, don’t always assume that those that are in relationships are happy. Enjoy the single days. You don’t have to report to anyone. You can flirt without fear of upsetting your man. You are free, enjoy it while it lasts. Work on yourself; you career   an other things that matter to you. The right guy will come when he comes and he will be attracted to how happy you are with your life. The wait should make you better not bitter.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            Like the 35 Plus Facebook page for motivational quotes and interesting blog posts. Watch this space for details to  upcoming events for 35 Plus events for older women.
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