Guest post: Dry your tears & rise!

By Monica Muziki

 

 

 

DRY YOUR TEARS, 35 plus, rise and walk

You can choose to cry about it

Or

You can choose to let that situation be the fire that fuels you

To push you to be better and go after the life that you were destined to live.

Fight hard for your life,

You owe it to yourself to do so.

At first it’s ok to cry about it or to be even disappointed

But after a while

Your heart should cease to bleed over the same situation.

Instead!

You should rise and walk, crawl, leap or run in the direction of your dreams.

No, don’t look back.

Don’t allow unbelievers to stand in your way

Greater things are coming your way

It’s up to you to get up, wipe your tears and start moving towards the life that the Lord said you are going to live!

So dry your tears and start walking.

Being a woman

women's day, gender equality, women's struggle, sexism

Everyday must be women’s day because we are women everyday, we should celebrate it everyday, the struggles that come with womanhood are fought everyday and the joys of womanhood should be celebrated everyday. On this day that has been set aside for us to look at everything that it means to be a woman, I just decided to put it in perspective. No matter who are you are, what the world thinks of you in terms of achievements or what you think of yourself being a woman means a lot and you manage it all daily without even stopping to think about it. Of course being a woman means different things for different women but here are some of the things that we have to go through over the years;

  • We bleed every month from the time we are young and go on like that for decades until nature stops it. We have to be cleaner when we bleed, we have to be discreet, some have to experience excruciating pain during this time and we have to do it all while still going to school, or work or fulfilling our responsibilities. When nature finally stops this process the change comes with hot flushes and hormonal changes that wreak havoc in our bodies.
  • We have to carry babies in our wombs for nine months and when delivery time comes our flesh is cut or the babies tear our flesh on the way out. We breastfeed and take care of the babies from day zero until they are adults.
  • For some, being a woman means watching as friends get pregnant and have babies while they try and fail to have kids. Or while they try to find the right partner or right time to do it.
  • Some women carry babies and build hope and plan for the future only to lose the babies in miscarriages or during childbirth or raising the babies to a certain age and then losing them.
  • For some it means fighting sexism at work or in our families when it comes to decision making or being in positions of power.
  • Sometimes it means society putting a “best before” date to us. We are “hot” and “attractive” or dateable or employable at a certain age and after that we are sometimes passed over for younger women.

Some women think that they have never achieved anything in their lives but you achieve some of the above mentioned things daily. Keep striving for more but as you are today, you are accomplished and you should be proud of yourself. We make it happen everyday. There is no reason why a woman should not be given an opportunity to be in a position of power because we prove that we can handle a lot all at once.

AND

It’s not all doom and gloom. The same processes that bring pain and discomfort can be a great source of joy. We get to carry our children inside of us and have months and months to bond with them before we have to share them with the rest of the world. We get to bond with them when we breastfeed (for those who choose to). Also, it is medically believed that we have longer life spans. When we embrace our femininity and take it as a blessing rather than a curse we come up with excellent ideas that help us live very successful lives. The world of fashion celebrates women much more than men, mother’s day is celebrated with much more energy generally than father’s day. We can stand with other women through various women’s movements and know how rewarding it is to be mothers wives, girlfriends, sisters, aunts, grandmothers, daughters, etc. There is still  lot you can do to make your dreams come true. Remember, you have the power to do anything because you achieve a lot everyday anyway.

HAPPY WOMEN’S DAY

Empty nest: What causes it and how to prepare yourself for it way before they leave.

35 plusBeing a parent changes you, inevitably, and your priorities change. Your children go to the very top of your list of priorities and we often hear parents say things like my children mean everything to me or I live for my children or my children are my life. All this is sweet and is often associated with being excellent parents. Being a parent is the greatest lesson in being selfless and putting other people first.

BUT

Putting your children first does not mean never stopping every once in a while to think about yourself. Remember your children came into this world through you but you do not own them or their lives. You bring them into this world and raise them so that they can then live their own lives away from you. If everything you do and think has to do with your children what will you do and think when they pack up and leave the house one day to live their own lives? There are cases where parents feel betrayed when children want to spread their wings and fly away, to a college or university in another city, to live with friends or on their own or when they choose careers that were no their parents’ choice. The problem there is all the parent had was this child to take care of and fuss over and what will they do once s/he is gone? If your hobbies are “watching Disney movies with my children”, “making clothes for my children”, “going to the park with my children” and never taking a walk on the beach or knitting or hiking what happens when your children no longer need you to take them to the park? Or when they think the clothes you make them are no longer cool? This is not to say don’t enjoy being with your children or doing things for them but have something that you do that is purely for you that you do on your own or with friends or with your spouse/partner.

35 plus

How to prepare for empty nest years way before the nest is empty

  • Plan ahead. Make a list of the things that you cannot do now that the kids are in the house that you will do when they are gone. You can even think about living arrangements. If a big house is going to feel empty and lonely you can plan to move into something smaller and cosier. Or you can plan to move to  different place which will feel fresh and you can create new memories.
  • Teach them independence. Part of the reason why some parents find it difficult to relax when their children leave home is that they are worried about whether or not they will make it on their own in the “real world”. If your children can cook for themselves, clean up after themselves, budget and spend money wisely and things like that you know they will be able to hold their own. If you are still packing lunch for teenage children and cleaning their rooms for them then chances are you are going to find it difficult to let them go and they are going to struggle when they leave you.
  • Make friends. Your children may be your life and the reason you live but one day they are going to love and leave you. Don’t be the mother whose phone calls they dread because even though they love you and appreciate your concern, they do not want to discuss every detail of their lives with you because you have no one else to fuss over and nothing to do. Make friends while they are still at home so that when they leave you already have people round you that you spend time with.
  • Spend lots of time with your spouse/ partner. If you are in a marriage or relationship do not make your lives just about the children because one day you will find out that when they children are gone and you no longer have to deal with them daily the two of you have nothing in common anymore. That will make letting go of the children very difficult. So before the children leave always make time to stay connected. When they finally leave you will still have each other and you might actually enjoy the privacy.
  • Be independent. Work hard now and be able to stand on your feet. Some parents need the children around because when the children start working they bring groceries. And you know that when they leave so will the groceries. Use your own hands and abilities now to make your own money and give your children a chance to use their money for what they want to do. Times are tough for everyone, your children cannot always finance you as well as their own families or needs.
  • Take good care of yourself. Eat right, exercise, go for regular check-ups and make it easy for your children to be away. There are illnesses that one cannot avoid but the ones that you can avoid, please do. You do not want to be the parent who is always complaining that children do not visit enough and ignore you when you are sick. They have their own lives to live and you taking care of yourself helps them.
  • Always know that they will go. The mental preparation is good for when they actually go. Spend quality time with them, do not miss precious family moments and when they finally leave you would created memories.

All this is not to say that goodbyes will not be sad, they will. It’s a jungle out there and letting your children go to fend for themselves is scary but it does not have to be the end of your life or happiness.

You are not getting any younger: Here’s why that should make you happy

I think women should start to embrace their age. What’s the alternative to getting older? You die. I can’t change the day I was born. But I can take care of my skin, my body, my mind, and try to live my life and be happy. Olivia Munn

35 plus

 

1. You can’t change it so being sad about it will only stress you out.

There is no use in being sad about the fact that you are getting older, it’s happening right now even as you are reading this. You are getting older every second. Life does not usually “give you” things to celebrate. You decide what you want to celebrate out of the lot that life gives you. So you could decide that each birthday is a reason to go insane with happiness or you could make it a pity party where you mourn your youth and regret every opportunity you didn’t take. It’s up to you really. You can sit and be sad about what you used to look hot in at 25 that does not look hot any more or you could get excited about what will look hot on you now. You can get excited about opportunities that are still ahead of you. Being happy about getting older means always being happy because it is constantly happening.

 2.  You are clear on what works and what doesn’t for your life.

Teenage years and early twenties are spent on figuring out career paths, fulfilling friendships, life partners and everything related to the “future”. After 35 or older, you are in the future you always planned for and wondered about. By that time you know your strengths and weaknesses, you know what type of people melt your butter to be around, you have worked for a bit and you know what you do or don’t want to spend the rest of your life doing. This is not to say the other side of 30 will not have surprises or even confusion here and there but when these do come they are met with an experienced heart and mind and there is more emotional stability  which is good for making decisions.

 3. You care less about what people think and say.

Fitting in is very important when one is young and sometimes it means not following your heart because what your heart wants may not be what’s trending. When you get older, yes you still care about your looks and what happens in your life but it’s more for yourself, your convenience, your comfort than anybody else. It is more liberating than trying to get in everybody’s heads before making a decision and imagining what they would say or think about you. Recently I went out dancing with younger friends and I was quite content with wearing flat pumps that allowed me to dance without punishing my calves. My friends looked hotter in their heels but I was ok with the knowledge that I would do a lot of dancing and the following day I would not be walking like the ground was on fire due to sore feet.

 4. Migraines are less prevalent in older people.

So we thought getting older is about the body deteriorating and giving in to any ailment.  Well the Research Centre of Atlanta revealed that after 50 the cuteness of migraines lessens as well as other symptoms such as nausea and sensitivity to light.

 5. No more period pain or any issues associated with menstruation.

The thought of not making that trip down the female sanitation isle in the supermarket and saving that bit of money every month is something to add to the joy of getting older. If you suffer from period pain after the supermarket you have to hit the pharmacy for those painkillers that you know you’ll die without. If not that it’s hot water bottles and other ways of relieving the pain. Then there is the fact that you can just be wound up before and sometimes during that time. For most people sexual activity has to pause for a while. And there are other logistics like travelling during that time of the month. You have to find facilities to change and freshen up. When you hit menopause all these headaches stop for good. Of course the process of menopause itself is not pleasant but once it’s over it’s over.

 6. Freedom to be yourself.

Society is harsh on young people. Gain weight and see how many care about your cellulite, your bad hair days don’t go unnoticed. How many people care about Betty White’s figure? She is in her 90s she can eat whatever she wants and gain weight and people will probably not notice. But with younger celebrities there are lists of hot beach bodies and hottest people in this year or things like that.

People find it funny or even cute when an old person swears/curses, if you are young it’s just vulgar. Even when an old person interferes and gives an opinion to a complete stranger on the street people are forgiving and at times even respectful and might even take the unsolicited advice. Young people have to reel in their opinions and actions more because there is higher accountability.



Famous women who succeeded later in life – Success begins when you begin

In spite of what people say or think, your chances of success are not determined by how old you are. They are determined by how determined you are. They are not even determined by how much money you have. Many people who are now famous today may tell you their stories and sometimes it all sounds surreal but remember they were just ordinary people once and they persevered to the “legends” you see today. Of course this does not include those who were born into money or fame. There are those who created their own success and fame. Most of these people were not sitting on the couch and wishing they were successful or working for a little while and throwing their hands in the air because they had been working for so long and nothing changed. Their history shows that they were busy behind the scenes, mostly working against a lot of odds, until they made it. Fame may not be everyone’s end goal but I’m sure success is. Read about these 4 women from different backgrounds who proved that it does not matter what your dream is, it can be achieved.

 

 

Oprah Winfrey

35 plus

Oprah was born into a poor family in rural Mississippi. She started working towards her dream while she was still in High School when she landed a job in radio. She always worked in Media but the show that would make her famous, “The Oprah Winfrey Show” only started airing when she was 32.  She worked mostly as the youngest, only woman and only black person in the circles that she was in but she kept going.  Today Oprah is worth 2.9 BILLION!! yes American dollars!! Where she started indicated nothing of where she would wind up but here we are.

 

 

Mother Teresa

35 plus, success in later years

She only established her charity, “Missionaries of Charity” when she was 40. It only had 12 members when it started. She won a Nobel Peace Prize when she was 69!! Mother Teresa opened about 517 in her lifetime. And none of them in her youth.

 

 

Martha Stewart

www.35plus.co.za

 

She did not start her home improvement business until she was in her 30s. And once that was off the ground many other doors opened for her. She went on to become an author and television personality after that. her net worth is listed as $970. million! Her self-made success was not deterred even by an obstruction of justice conviction and her stay in prison.

 

 

Joyce Banda

www.35plus.co.za

Joyce Banda was the president of Malawi from 2012 to 2014. I’m sure people that when Joyce first told people that she was going to run for presidency they  laughed their heads off because who had ever heard of a female president in Africa! Women have had to fight for years to be so much as managers at work because most men do not want to be led by a woman. Even in a family setting most African cultures do not let women speak for themselves. Joyce started off a secretary. If you are looking at where you are and thinking that going from there to where you want to be is too huge a leap think of a secretary becoming the president of a country! Joyce freed herself from an abusive first marriage and started following her dreams as a business woman first then political figure. She only entered the political arena when she was 49.

 

I love this poem. It’s never too late. Start now…

 

Have we not all, amid life’s petty strife,
Some pure ideal of a noble life
That once seemed possible? Did we not hear
The flutter of its wings, and feel it near,
And just within our reach? It was. And yet
We lost it in this daily jar and fret,
And now live idle in a vague regret;
But still our place is kept, and it will wait,
Ready for us to fill it, soon or late.
No star is ever lost we once have seen,
We always may be what we might have been.

Since good, tho’ only thought, has life and breath,
God’s life—can always be redeemed from death;
And evil, in its nature, is decay,
And any hour can blot it all away;
The hopes that, lost, in some far distance seem.
May be the truer life, and this the dream

by Adelaide Anne