4 Things that can kill a woman’s sex drive after 35/40

sex after 35/ 40, 35 plus, chipo mutibvu

If it’s not a headache it’s “that time of the month”, if not that then, “the kids are still awake they can hear us”, or “that thing you did last week pissed me off” and after that you know there is not going to be any action. We have heard about these excuses and maybe you yourself have used some of them. It’s time to understand why women find themselves getting more and more creative with excuses than they do with sex positions. I bet many don’t even realise that they are making excuses until one day they try to think back and they realise they haven’t had sex for a whole month or two! I hope there are some men who are reading this too so that they also understand what is happening with their women so that they can assist with solutions. As a man, before you resort to “taking matters into your own hands” or calling a call girl or finding a side-dish, understand some of the turmoil that your woman might be going through.

This doesn’t happen to every woman but for most women who libido decrease with age these are some of the reasons;

Decrease in the production of hormones

In the later years production of hormones decreases in women and that causes less blood to flow to the vagina which results in vaginal dryness. Without the natural lubrication sex becomes painful for the woman. Other medical conditions and treatments can cause dryness but that’s a topic for another day. In this post we are looking at what usually happens in any healthy woman under normal circumstances.


If you are experiencing dryness go see your doctor and have them check to see if there really is something hormonal going on with you and that it’s really peri-menopause or menopause that you are dealing with and not a medical condition or a result of some medication you might be taking. Having done that, some of the things to consider include;

  • Your diet. This should be done no matter what else you are doing because it contributes to your general health not just bedroom life. Stay hydrated. Also, eat food rich in omega 3 fatty acids (eggs, fish, peanut butter, walnuts, etc) and protein. Basically be more conscious about healthy eating.
  • Exercise, it promotes blood flow to all parts of your body including your vagina. Exercise also helps in maintaining hormonal balance which helps also with things like moods swings, hot flushes, etc.
  • Over the counter lubricants.
  • Some people prefer natural remedies such as jojoba, coconut oil or even olive oil.

These are only a few of the things you could try but the point is the healthier you are the less problems you are likely to incur with anything to do with your body.

Self esteem / depression

Society tends to put a “best before” date on women. Women are usually hot news in their late teens and early to mid twenties in terms of being seen as beautiful or potential marriage material. This is why most models and beauty pageant contestants are around that age. We never hear of a 40 year old become Miss Universe. And in most cases when husbands step out of a marriage, it’s usually with a younger woman. Women therefore sometimes feel like they are in competition with younger women. Nature doesn’t make it any better because at some point gray hairs start popping up and skin loses it’s elasticity and there is only only so much hair dyes and anti-aging creams can do.


Embrace your age. Pray the serenity prayer and accept the things you cannot change. You can’t stop time or rewind so accept it and look see a long life for the gift that it is. Do not try to compete with anyone, younger or otherwise. Be comfortable in your own skin.

Another thing that can help you is finding friends or even online communities with people your own age. You will find that the changes that are happening to you are happening to many other people, God is not picking on you. You will also find other women who may be older than you, have more gray hair and more wrinkles than you but who are still fabulous and happy with where they are in life. That kind if inspiration is good for you. You will also learn about changes to expect and how to deal with them. You should also do your own research and get to understand your body. There is no problem that will not have a solution.

Also, if there are men reading this, keep telling your wife that she is beautiful. Make her feel loved and sexy. Women need to hear it not just when you are still trying to woo her by even after 30 years together.

Monotony / over-familiarity 

If you have been with the same partner for a long time, a decade or maybe more, you know them very well. You know how they smell, what sex positions they like, how long it will last and so on. Most people are creatures of habit so you will enjoy it the same way daily until one person or both of you get bored.


Be creative and explore new positions and even new venues. Try a different room in the house, the shower or spend the night under the stars if you can. Whatever gives a different feel to the usual. You could try role playing if you are into that sort of thing.


Spend some time away from each other. Create a thirst for it for a while and when you come together again it won’t feel like oh, this again!

 Busy schedules

Whether you work or stay home with the kids you most probably are exhausted by the end of the day. If not both partners then one may be too tired to want to have sex. Sometimes dealing with it all, work deadlines, dealing with children, running errands etc results in so much stress and frustration that sex is the last thing on your mind at the end of the day.


Even though it sounds less than ideal, schedule time for sex. I was talking to a friend a few weeks ago who said she and her husband went for 3 months without doing it and they didn’t even notice until they sat down and started thinking back! So if you are not finding time, make time. It could be first thing in the morning, afternoon sessions or whenever you know you will both be able to find time. An afternoon rendezvous once in a while away from home can actually be fun.

Also, kids should have clear bad times and some kind of boundaries when it comes to parents’ bedrooms because if you sleep with your kids in your bed everyday or they can just budge in then you will never find time to be intimate.

So, if your bedroom life starts to go south in the later years, worry not, it can be revamped!

35 plus women, sex after 35 / 40,

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35 Plus, women over 35, be an inspiration, there is hope

In your 30s/ 40s or older and still your dreams haven’t come true? There is hope

Allow me to brag about some very inspirational women that have shown us that persistence and hard work pays. We live in a world where people are becoming rich and famous or just accomplished at certain trades at a very young age. That usually means if you are, say, 25 years old, and you don’t have a degree yet or a great job it’s easy to feel like a failure and be very discouraged. The pressure is so much more with us women because we “have to” get married when we are still young, wrinkle-free and fertile. And we also “have to” do our studies and get our careers going before children come because we are usually the ones who will have to slow down and take care of them. Many women manage to juggle everything at the same time but sometimes resources are scarce so we put our children first and then our dreams of studying and getting careers die.

35 plus, women over 35, don't give up

35 Plus was started by a woman who knows all too well how painful it is to not reach every goal at a time she thought she would. It was therefore founded to say to other women, “hey, that dream of studying, getting a good job, getting a great man that you had when you were young, if it hasn’t come true yet let’s not give up on it. It can still happen!” Many scholarships and bursaries have a cut off age. Companies want young interns. Nobody wants to hire a 45 year old intern to run around making coffee even though there are many women out there who would love to get that position and learn new skills. We are therefore here to say it is a hostile world for us as get older but it’s not impossible. We ran a competition earlier this year and many women entered. They told us stories about all the things that kept them from studying when they were young and how they still want to start fruitful careers now. We were only able to have 5 winners and some of them came back to us with success stories of how in these few months their worlds have been changed.         35 Plus, be an inspiration, women over 3535 plus, women over 35, there is still hope, don't give up

Here are some of the women who took a leap of faith and seized an opportunity to study because they know that life is what you make it. You can’t sit back and wish things were different, or try to fulfill your dreams through your children or complain that circumstances are bad. If you stand up to make a difference in your life, life will reward you. Sometimes it takes long but don’t lose hope. Thank you to Brigitte Fourie, Carmenita Buys, Wendy Witten and many others who entered the competition. Continue to inspire those around you and don’t stop trying to reach for the stars.

35 Plus intends to continue looks for ways to inspire and assist women in their 30s and older. The main goal is not to win competitions but to inspire each other to persevere. We won’t always find solutions to all our supporters’ problems but if you are determined and inspired, you will be able to find solutions for your self. It’s not a platform that claims to know the answers to everything because no one ever does, but it’s a place where we are saying saying if we come together we can face anything.Keep supporting us and liking and sharing our Facebook page. We appreciate all the emails that we receive with your suggestions and life stories. Keep them coming and we always respond.  More challenges, competitions and events coming. Watch this space!

35 plus, women, women over 35

Email: chipo@35plus.co.za

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